Last weekend I had the remarkable pleasure of experiencing an organisational epiphany. I finally realised what my problem was with regards to my album track listing: I’ve written two entirely separate albums.
I’m not sure which I wrote first; they were sort of alongside each other. Thinking about it, I had split each song into two categories anyway: cathartic writing just to make sense of feelings, and experimental creative writing that focused on production values.
I think this was something to do with my old songwriting self (that just used to write, think it was good, record it, and people like it) doing battle with my Music Practice degree self that questioned everything to test its properties, only to be dissatisfied. I really was a bit of a headcase during my time studying. I feel like a smashed plate that has been put back together so the pattern aligns in a different, and much more interesting, way.
It’s so good to start feeling whole again. If God is the Potter, then I think he went a bit conceptual art on me and decided to use what I was to make something crazy-looking. That’s ok by me though, I like crazy.
Album 1, entitled Honesty, which careful viewers may note was a title I’ve had for years, is made up mainly of the ‘old Caryl’, with other additions that fit with that philosophy. This is the one I’ll be working on from here to completion, but I’m about 75% done with Album 2 which is unnamed, full of dark electrobeats and sporting a fresh R&B groove.
Here is the list of tracks I’d like to include, in no particular order.
[CCM - Contemporary Christian Music (basically, pop with 'inspirational' lyrics)]
- Don’t Look Down (2005)
Post-breakup musings, pride
- Maybe Now (2006)
Unrequited love and resulting confession
- Old Friend (2009)
Slightly bitter song about a friendship going cold
- By Your Side CCM (2005)
Based on a Psalm that now escapes me, the ‘ever-presentness’ of God
- Open Wide CCM (2004)
Trust and risk-taking
- Restore CCM? (2008)
Exhaustion, depression, and disillusionment, crying out
- “I am the draft under your door in winter…” (2005)
You dumped me, but pretending you still want me makes me feel better
- Happy (2005)
I’m a Christian girl trying to avoid the rebound. Really, now, what were you thinking when you asked me out?
- Surgeon CCM? (2008)
Distortion of self-image, hinting at self harm, the greater needs of others
- Rebellion (With jazzy acoustic guitar, originally on piano) CCM (2007)
Just feeling like being a bit awkward, feeling human and fleshly, feeling rebellious
- Wait [Interlude] (2005)
Technically still a song, but not quite long or epic enough to be up there with the others. Fun and light-hearted Latin feel.
- Nothing Without You CCM (2005)
Continuously learning to be dependent on God instead of muddling through.