This week for the first time ever I felt like I wrote my heart out.
This might sound strange coming from someone that’s written songs for more than ten years now, but I honestly have never felt as challenged, perhaps even bullied, by my writing before. I was hitting the wall, at full capacity, there was literally no more I could do and all the while I was just praying that it would all be enough.
Last night I sent my completed vocals to Matt for a new track of ours. We had worked on every section together in some way (Matt even having a little go at lyrics!), bashing it out quick as anything the past two weeks. It’s been exhausting but every time I’ve felt like having a break from it, Matt would come back with some new piece of production that made it impossible to sit still on the lyrics. I had to finish it. The whole fire in the bones scenario.
So, while I looked on with intense nerves, he added what I’d written to the existing track and went to town on some choice vocal effects. I was almost trembling while the new edit synched to Dropbox for me to listen to. I knew if what I had done wasn’t good enough there was nothing left in me to improve it. I needn’t have worried.
Everything about the production just set the words off perfectly, it’s honestly like we have the same mind at times. I must have played it through 20 times. We had done it, and even managed to give that monster a name.
What followed was a very giddy evening of talking to our new fan club president, Josh Dow (who is setting up a fan tumblr as we speak) and freaking out about what a crazy-go-nuts track we had managed to make. It was a late night. I’m ashamed to disclose the time I finally got into my pyjamas!
Today I was living in the glorious aftermath. I’ve never felt quite so ‘creatively tired’. Instead of my usual sluggish/frustrated feeling of carrying around too many ideas, it was as if I had been able to free several at once in a violent explosion. I felt just like a freshly made crater, dust settling to reveal a nice big hole where there had once been a load of disorganised junk. I very much like this feeling. Tired, but accomplished.
But there’s still the feeling that this Project isn’t quite done with me. This won’t be my biggest exertion. Not even close.
It’s only the beginning.
I honestly think something is going to happen for us soon, industry-wise. I can feel everything moving into place. It’s a bit scary, like it’s all going to hit at once and I won’t have quite long enough to prepare. Am I going to be ready? Should I start training for this?
Actually, that’s not a bad idea…
The world is ready for the Punch. I need to be ready to take on the world.